Growing up La Buena, I spent a lot of time trying to please everyone else. Yes, crappy boyfriend dude, I will accept that you don’t want to meet my friends. Yes, “amiga,” I accept that you will always flake on me and never show up when I need you. Yes, coworker, I will do “project work” with you, do all the work and let you take credit. In all of these situations, the other person’s happiness came before mine regardless of the cost to me.
When I was spiraling with loneliness and lack of self-confidence, I took the time to ask why I was letting everyone else’s happiness determine my happiness
Why did everyone else come before me?
Why did I think their happiness was my responsibility?
Why was I holding myself accountable for their life choices?
The truth hurt...I was trying to validate my worth by looking to others for validation. My confidence came from la gente, who would tell me…
“damn, Kel, you are the nicest person I know”
“You did a great job fixing my problem”
“Thanks for doing exactly what I needed”
AKA people-pleasing
These are beautiful statements and exchanges of love between people. I know it’s part of our Latinx cultura to be grateful and humble. Was that what I was trying to do?
Nah…the difference was that I put all of my worth into others. If I weren’t hearing from mi familia, friends, or folxs at work, I would start to think that I wasn’t worth anything. My confidence would tank. Then, I would work harder to people please others so that I could get the next hit of those to feel good vibes regardless of the cost to myself. I would stay in the relationship with the dude who would treat me like crap or only make time for me late at night with a text (you know, booty call status). Ugh! I was addicted to people pleasing. people-pleasing
When I was really truthful, pero REALLY truthful with myself through yoga and meditation, I realized the truth I wasn’t ready to work through until that moment. I started to look at my confidence bank account and realized that I was getting loans from other people instead of putting money into my savings account. There was a lot of shame, but I didn’t stop at that moment. I accepted the feelings and kept going with the help of a coach and therapy.
So, I started the hard work of saying that I was worthy regardless of anything else. I was worthy. No one had to tell me that I was worthy. My confidence started to rise from the inside. I believed I was worth people’s time, effort, love, and gifts. This didn’t happen overnight, pero I started transforming La Buena into La Amada.
Worthiness Self-Coaching Practice
Do this anytime you want to check in with yourself. Checking your self-confidence bank account is an important daily task, Hermana.
Stand in front of a mirror
Stare deep and lovingly at yourself
Get all the giggles out!
Tell yourself “you are worthy,” or insert any phrase you would tell your Hermana that you love
Do this for one minute (set a timer if you have to keep yourself accountable)
Close your eyes and put your hand over your heart
Ask yourself this question
Do you feel worthy (or whatever phrase you used)? Why or why not?
Do this for one week - check back in with yourself
Confident Latina Chisme Coaching
Join me in September for the Confident Latina Chimse group coaching. Your story is worthy and powerful of your own time. Want to focus on becoming confident through abundance and amor?
Confident Latina Chisme Coaching is a 6-week group coaching for Latinas who are done being the booty call, the door mat, and being who everyone else THINKS you are. Let’s identify your limiting beliefs together and transform them into the REAL you. Together con tu Hermana’s, we will focus on learning about the power within that makes you a Hermana worthy of your own abundance and amor. Your confidence vibes will rise, all while staying true to our cultura.